Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster

I prefer to make life resolutions, as opposed to good-intentioned New Years Resolutions that end after a week-long struggle of separation anxiety. I feel strongly about this; but I have no qualms making New Years Resolutions for others; in fact, it's one of my favorite pastimes. What better way to circumvent the guilt of failed resolutions than to make them for others instead? Unfortunately, the calendar New Year has come and gone, but Chinese New Year is on the horizon! So, with no further comment, here are my 2008 Chinese New Years Resolutions for the city of Shanghai.

• I resolve to stop pestering foreigners to buy my "rare" goods that are available at EVERY other shop on the block
• I resolve to stay within my lane, signal before I turn, and not kill pedestrians
  
• I resolve to stop screaming into my cell phone in public places
• I resolve to not build a new skyscraper every 3 days
• I resolve *cough, cough, cough... aah... aahh... aaaaaCHOOO!!!! to end pollution
  
• I resolve to stop honking my horn at everything that moves
• I resolve to stop using freetranslation.com and pay an American to translate signs into English
• I resolve to stop selling bootleg DVD's filmed from the hip
• I resolve to not build two KFC's on every street corner
• I resolve to not chain smoke 50 cigarettes a day
• I resolve to stand patiently in line without pushing, shoving, or cutting
• I resolve to throw up the peace sign in every picture I'm in
• I resolve to physically punish anyone trying to sell Rolexes or Watchbags
• I resolve to be considerate of other's personal space... Ok, ok that was a joke
• I resolve to imitate the fulcrum stunt Tom Cruise pulled in MI3
• I resolve to give refunds for faulty products
• I resolve to put more than one national hero on every value of currency we have
• I resolve to stop burping at inappropriate times
• I resolve to efface Chinese characters from the written language
• I resolve to supply toilet paper for public restrooms
• I resolve to build a Panda Express on every corner, because I'm serious about maintaining our rich cultural history with authentic Chinese cuisine